Rain.

I don't know what it is about the rain that makes me just want to sit and write; but someday I hope to discover it. I have several possible answers, but none of them seem legit or true. I just find it strange how when I wake up to the rain my morninf routine is different. Rather than doing the usual, I instanly spring out of bed, grab a pen and my notebook and start writing. Sometimes, I don't even know what about. It's just a flow that keeps flowing. The rain's my best friend because it always aids in making my writing better. I jsut want to know why...

"But why dost thou judge thy brother? Or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ." -Romans 14:10

There are things in life that I can honestly answer with, "I don't know." Because I don't. My "spirituality" for example; I don't know what to believe, or what's real and what is not. It kind of scares me.

Tonight, like most Wednesday nights, I attended Youth Group at a church my family has been attending ever since I was young. I've always sort of questioned the whole thing, and more so as I've become older. I just don't know. It's a complex thing. But, I figure that if I'm not exposed to multiple things like church and that type of thing, I can't really make a decision because I don't know what that's all about. Now that I'm a Senior, and getting ready to move forward in my life, I think I may have finally made a decision about what I think on this topic. So what happened tonight, right?

A droog and I had decided that rather than going to New York with the group, we would rather attending homecoming. We told our leaders our decision and were instantly shot with things that, really, I don't think is the "Christian" way to approach it. It's tough to believe in these things and trust these people when they have formed a paradox. The paradox being that they claim to be holy people, and free of judgment because only God can judge you, when I feel some of these people are the most judging people I've ever met. My droog and I were judged, and one of these people who are supposed to "guide" us and help us, flat out prayed to God asking him to help us make the “right" decision between the trip, and homecoming and that if we chose the trip to bring peace to us, but if not, that we would not have peace. That doesn't seem very "Christian" to me.

It's going to be very hard to return back there after being told that, and makes it even harder for me to trust and believe in this stuff.

Northland College Update!

It's official, I was accepted!

I got a letter last week from the college congratulating me on my acceptance. I also received a $6,000 scholarship for my academic excellence in the Social Sciences area. I'm really excited. My mom already went out and bought be some "college wear."

Now that I know where I'm going, I'm not as sad about graduating. I was for awhile, but I'm quite excited now. Then there's the money aspect of college...I tend to forget about that burden.

$6,000 down, $18,000 more to go. I'm planning on applying for two scholarships from the school itself, FAFSA, local scholarships, and possibly a student loan or two (I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible). I'll also get a job, and am hoping to do a work study that the campus offers.

My decided major was Broad Field Social Studies Education, and I'm pretty content with the decision. It may change once I get into college, but I know that I for sure want to do something in the Social Science field. It's what I love, and I might as well do what I love because I'm going to be doing it forever.

Life's just moving along. It really does fly by.

In The End, It Doesn't Even Matter

Have you ever looked up to someone and thought they were pretty cool, but then they turn out to be a huge joke? Yeah, that's a wonderful thing I found out today.

I really looked up to him, but I guess I wasn't anything but a joke to him. Whatever. It kind of bothers me. Okay, I'm going to be really nice to you to your face and then go around and talk about how lame you are. Awesome. Things won't be the same anymore, because I know that he's not someone I should think of as a role model. Oh well, what can you do?

...some people are just assholes. Actually, most are.

"I Fell Off A Horse, But I Still Ride Them."

The title really has nothing to do with the topic of this blog. Today in school a few friends and I were talking about tubing at Telemark. Well, one of my droogs was like "I'm afraid of tubing because I got ran over once." I responded with, "I fell off a horse once, but I still ride them." Then that backfired on me and it was concluded that they could see me "falling off a horse." So, that's why the title is the title. Now! Back to business!

I heard from an admissions director at Northland. There was some misunderstanding with the postal service, so they just recieved my letter of reccomendation, transcripts, ACT scores, and a few other things. So, now the two week pending starts. I'm nervous. I hope I'm qualified enough for them. If not, well, fml. I guess I'll just have to try again somewhere else. I really hope I get in there though, it's a great school, and very low key. That's one thing I'm most afraid of. The fact that I won't know all my professors and classmates personally, that really bothers me. I like having one on one conversations with people, and I'm going to miss that in college. But, I'll make it. I'm looking forward most to all the eye candy. You know, all those cute boys walking around...EVERYWHERE (that was a joke). Kind of...

I'll keep everyone posted on the verdict.

...Dear Two Weeks from Now,
         If you could come sooner, that would be great.
                            Love, Beth

...yes, this is real life.

Why Are Pickles Called Pickles And Not Pickled Cucumbers?

Really think about this. Everything, no matter what it is, is or was made up by something or someone. How do we really know anything? I think about that a lot. And, it made me think of some questions, like...

If a word in a dictionary is misspelled, how would you know? I mean, I'm guessing they wouldn't spell it wrong, but what if...we'd never know. Or...

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected? If you're expecting something that you don't really expect, it's been expected. Yeah, I don't know how this one works, would the unexpected even exist at that point? Here's an even better one.

Is it possible to have a civil-war? Acording to the books, In 1861 there was a civil war for four years. I guess 620,000 people dying is civil. Hmm...

Liberty And Justice For All?

This weekend I watched the program "The People Speak" on the History Channel. It was a great program, and probably wasn't what most people initially expected it to be. Anyway, I picked up on a lot of new things when watching it. One, I'm not the only person who feels the way I do about the world. Two, there are a lot of awesome people in the world. Three, that Bob Dylan totally rocks my socks (actually, I already knew that). Carrying on...

Let's start with number one; seeing as that would make the most sense chronologically. Although I may sometimes feel I'm alone in this world and there's no one I can relate with, I know there are people out there. Maybe not near me now, but someday in the future. Today at lunch, a droog and I were having a great disscussion about "things" in general. For example, why do we stand for the pledge? We don't have freedom, because if we did, there wouldn't be as many problems in society as there is. Plus, a flag is a representation. Nothing more. Yet we as Americans are supposed to pledge allegiance to a flag; a piece of cloth. Anyway, it reminded me of a part of "The People Speak" of an African-American woman's reasoning as to why she doesn't stand for the pledge or sing the national anthem. It was really interesting. When you think about things like that, you realize that there are "cracks in the armor."

Why should these things be expected of the people if they aren't true, or abided by?

...yeah, I couldn't tell you.